Life Without You (2/?)

[serafina19]

Title: Life Without You
Rating: PG
Summary: Chloe and Oliver attempt to learn how to live without each other after Chloe escapes from the Suicide Squad.
Timeline: Shield-Collateral.

Thanks to: mystic_ri96 for the song prompt.

Sera's Scribbles: I'm not sure how I feel about this one... but I've had this chapter sitting on my computer and I was tired of leaving this story abandoned. Updates for everything is coming- I swear. I've had some technical difficulties, but I'm hoping to fire up some updates this weekend.

Part 1

Part 2

Learning how to miss you
I guess I need to know how it feels like

Chloe had always thought that she lived in the shadows, but truthfully, she hadn't until right now, walking into the abandoned building that she'd call home for the foreseeable future.

It wasn't much, just a partially intact cot that would likely ruin her back in a couple of days next to a garbage bag containing a small amount of clothing that she could afford to take with her. Fortunately, the cash that she had hidden was still here, an amount of money that she only hope would last.

Looking around, it was easy to tell that she was alone now, and that was the toughest pill to swallow, not the cyanide that she had taken mere hours earlier. For the past year, even when she had lost a sense of the real world, she always had people to fall back on, people who reminded her to live.

But it had to be that way. Sure, she could go back through the double doors of Watchtower, but there was no way Chloe was willing to risk permanently losing the people she loved, especially after what she had seen.

That didn't mean her current circumstances didn't hurt, that her passing goodbye to Clark would be the last words her best friend would hear from her. That the equivalent of goodbye Lois got was through an encrypted message of You're meant to be with Clark. But worst of all, the man she loved, the man she saved, got goodbye in the form of a shoulder bump and an email. It was that pain that triumphed over the shocks, the punches, the feeling of the trade, that overwhelming ache in her chest hoping she had made the right choice.

Digging in the bag, she found the single thing that she had to remind herself of him. Chloe was more frail and likely had blood going down her arms, but she wasted no time putting the jacket on, feeling it's smooth texture on her arm. She tried to pretend he was putting his arms around her, telling her that everything would be alright. Stroking the material before zipping it up, she only hoped that Oliver could forgive her for this, because she had meant every word. She loved him, that's why she traded herself; it was partially why she has to stay away.

Hurt him to save him, a twisted saying, but one she fully understood as she collapsed onto her bed. As she lied down, Chloe realized that the bed actually felt soft in comparison to the floor or the cold chair she had been bound to, but she knew it would all change soon enough. No matter how soft or hard it would become, she was still alone, and even though she never told him this much, it was odd being in a bed by herself.

She couldn't turn and see him next to her, or even feel his body heat as he wrapped her up in her arms. There was no more wake-up calls where he'd come to her with coffee asking her if she slept well. Things had gotten, dare she say, domestic, with Oliver and she had been too blind to see it. She was so focused on not getting close that she didn't see that it she had already done it.

She was desperate for sleep, but instead, she reached out for the burner phone she got for any emergency. Dialling the first couple of digits, she justified it as her telling him that she was okay. The last couple digits came onto the phone and Chloe paused. She couldn't do this. Everything had gone according to plan so far... she just had to wait a few months. But as the seconds ticked by, Chloe wanted nothing more than to press the green button.

She let out a muffled scream as she tossed the phone across the room, not caring about the clatter it made on the floor. Even though she did what she had to do to save him, it was killing her knowing that she couldn't further reassure him that she was alive. She closed her eyes, wanting sleep to take over so the seconds could go by a little faster, but before she drifted off, a single tear claimed her cheek, showing the momentary crack in her armour.
 

This is life without you

Part 3

 

Comments

[chlollie-4ever.livejournal.com]

Okaaaay... so, apparently i totally missed this story when you posted the first part, and how I could?!?!?!?! This is fabulous... now, with my fingers crossed, i really hope that you'll be able to keep updating this story... I'm already in love with this one... Congrats...

[serafina19.livejournal.com]

This story was easy to miss... especially considering the first part was posted in July. I considered leaving part 1 as a one-shot, but the song hit me this afternoon and I figured I owed mystic_ri96 this.

So thanks for the comment. I'll do my best to get part 3 up a little faster this time.

[ica013.livejournal.com]

Thank you for taking the time to show us what Chloe was possibly going through during her time away. This is really well written.

[serafina19.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I do think the biggest reason I avoided this fic was that I was afraid of defining what Chloe was up to. I'm glad you enjoyed this.